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Keish- December 21, 2003

December 21, 2003
Dear Arri,
You saw ghosts in the cave? I felt a great deal of power, and possible presences, but I didn't see anything else. Did Imato or Uncle W. see them?
I'm sorry you didn't get to talk to your mother. I feel bad that the whole experience was so difficult for you, but it was for the best. When you're feeling stronger we can test your magic. If you don't want Brynn to test your magic with the crystal we could try the spell I used with Liop. It's not quite as accurate, but it works. I'd actually like to do something to test Imato's magic, too, but I don't know if he would want me to.
I did talk to Brynn last night. (It has been so nice sleeping in a real bed!) Without the extra power it was a little harder, but I was able to do it briefly. She doesn't really have family, but she does have friends she's spending Christmas with. Besides, she says it wouldn't be right for her to join us since she and Uncle W. don't get along. She said she will come two days after Christmas, though, to see how you are doing.
Uncle W.'s story about his youth was interesting. Not really what I expected, but it does explain a few things. We're going to have to get him to talk about magic at some point. He's not going to like it, but I think it has to happen eventually. Are you sure it's okay with him that I'm coming for Christmas? There's a part of me that's nervous about seeing him-- especially with what happened in the cave.
It must be hard for Lady Westridge to not know where her sons are. Interesting that she thought you knew. I wish I could help-- let Mendel know where Nysa is or something-- but the meadow I saw could have been just about anywhere.
Is Imato feeling any better? Maybe you should tell him about Nysa-- at least the general overview of what's going on or something. Has he said much about the cave? Asked about it? He was standing by Nysa, has he asked who she was? Eventually, at least, he'll have to be told everything. I'll bet seeing Gretel would make him feel better. I guess she missed his birthday. (That reminds me, I'll have to get him something… maybe Jace could help me pick a gift.) I'm sure she'll be spending Christmas with her parents, but maybe she can visit in a few weeks or something. Has Imato agreed to return to Adya to train with Sir Aoweir? I know you'd miss him, but he should. He could go back with us.
I'm so excited to see you and Father and everyone! Jace says to tell Liop he'll see him on the 23rd-- we should reach Odsreq that afternoon. Jace will see me to the cottage and probably stay for dinner if it's okay, then go to Rousha that night. I'm really going to miss him. It will be so strange not to have him close. To sit down to breakfast and not have him sitting across from me. As much as I'm looking forward to Christmas, it makes me sad. I'm planning on spending the day after Christmas with him in Rousha, though. I'll get to meet his mother and he's going to show me around the city.
It's nice not having to walk. I know you would want to know all about the horses, but I'm afraid I don’t know much about them. The horse I'm riding is a pure gray that's almost silver. Jace says he's mostly Oldenburg with a little bit of Dumaine. He's called Moonlight. Jace's horse is white. Jace says he's all Dumaine. He's called Tandy. Both horses are lovely.
Sometimes, though, I wish it would take longer to get to Odsreq. I'm so torn-- I want to get to you and see everyone, but I don't want to lose Jace, even for a couple of days. I certainly can't imagine not having him around for longer than that.
I guess I had better finish this and send Hermes off so that this gets to you before we do! Really I suppose I didn't have to write at all, I'll see you in a couple of days, but I'm feeling so… I don't know… torn, like I said, I guess. I've never felt this kind of turmoil. I'm starting to realize there are things I want to do with my life, and I want… it all, I guess. I want to be close to Jace, but I want to spend time with my father… but I don't want to live in Adya, but I don't think I want to live in Rousha.
I don't know. I really probably should just enjoy Christmas and then get through confronting Gessair before I worry too much about it. I want to do some research in Adya, find out how to do what I want to do. But do I want to do anything without Jace? Do I have a choice? Can I be close to Jace and live the life I want?
I don't expect answers, I just had to put all of this on paper and see if I could make any sense of it all. Thanks for "listening" again. Sometimes I don't see how you put up with me.
I hope you're feeling much better and I'll see you soon!
Love always

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